The Same but Different

Today I am thankful for the ability to look at things from a different perspective.  I'm pretty sure y'all know I sometimes take a ride on the negative side of the emotional rollercoaster.  I get mad, lonely, sad, pissed off, furious, exasperated, confused, hurt, defeated, disgusted, frustrated, anxious, afraid, disappointed, irritated, envious, worrisome, guilty, doubtful, tense, and just plain unhappy sometimes.  I think we all do, don't you?  And, quite frankly, I think that's perfect fine as long as a) we're aware that we feel that way (and at least partially willing to explore why we feel that way) and b) those feelings are temporary.  As I mentioned the other day, I haven't felt up to par lately, and today, more than anything, I wanted to stay curled up in bed and snooze the day away.  Miserable as it was, though, I pushed through and went to work.  The day was rainy and cold, and, honestly, I spent the large majority of the time I was at work wishing I had stayed in bed.  When I left school, though, I found something I'd been looking for for about two weeks now... the Christmas music station on XM Radio.  I know it sounds silly and trivial, but it turned my whole day around.  I started to perk up and feel a little better, and would you believe that the sun actually peeked through the clouds a little bit?  That little blessing in my life just served to remind me of how things can look completely different when you change your vantage point and allow yourself to see things differently.  I had made up my mind that today was a down day, but God opened my eyes and showed me, once again, how things can turn around in an instant if I just change my perspective.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Pretty often it happens that I find myself absolutely lost in cyberspace, wholly unsure of how I've come to be where I am.  (This is why I cannot allow myself to join Twitter, for I just simply have enough world wide web vices as it is.  That is a whole other topic for another day, though.)  Through one social network, website, blog or another, I've wound up somewhere I have no business being God only knows where, filing away the intricate details of the lives of people I barely (if that) know.  I feel like Alice, having fallen down some unexpected hole and landed in unfamiliar territory.  I strongly desire to leave this foreign place and return to that from which I came, but, still, I'm inexplicably fascinated by my new surroundings. 
Does this happen to y'all?
Should I be admitting that I do such things?
Don't answer that.
Anyway, last night I fell down one of those rabbit holes and started reading an acquaintance's blog and, from there, read several blogs of people whom, twenty-four hours ago, I couldn't have picked out of a line-up.  I know, I know... I still don't technically know them, but we're all friends here in the blogosphere, right?  Right?  Er... is this thing on?
Ahem, anyway.
I have a point, I promise.
Most of these blogs I read were written by people who were doing internships this summer in Washington, DC.  I, too, did an internship in the capital city four (horrors!) years ago, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  So many of the events these bloggers were describing attending or participating in were events I so fondly remember attending during my time there.  It really took me back and made me wish I could do the whole thing over again.
Living in DC for the summer when you're twenty-one years old feels like you have the entire world at your finger tips, and there just aren't enough hours in the day to fit in everything you want to do and see.  Going out, working, exploring, and living in the city is such an amazing experience, you almost feel like you've received an unbelievable gift by mistake and someone will surely realize the error and send you home at any moment.  In other words, you're packing as many people, places, things, sights, sounds, and ideas as you possibly can into a summer that flies by at warp speed and is over before you really feel you've even begun.
I certainly feel like I left my mark on the city while I was there, and, let's be honest, the city left a very distinct mark on me.  I met and worked with some of the coolest people I've ever met with whom I am fortunate enough to still share friendships; I walked around without having a destination in mind, just seeing what I could see; I experienced the diverse cultures of the distinctly different neighborhoods of the city; I was able to share the beauty and history of the nation's capitol with visitors every single day; I made a number of, shall we say, bad decisions, and would make them all over again if I had the chance, for they definitely make the best stories; I saw and experienced so much of what makes America America; I took time to watch the sun set over the Tidal Basin; I marveled over and over at the fact that I was blessed enough to have such an experience; with my face pressed against the glass, I cried when my plane banked away from the Washington Monument, for I knew I would never again have such a summer.
I feel like I could cry now, actually.
Sheesh.
You see, last night I fell down a rabbit hole, wandered around disoriented for awhile, and, before long, I started to see some familiar sights.  It turns out I knew where I was all along, just taking a stroll down one of my favorite streets--Memory Lane. 
I hope those kids (when did I start referring to people a mere four years younger than me as if they are from a wholly different generation?) are having the best summer of their lives.
I bet they are, but they may not know it yet.

I didn't when I was their age, but we rarely do, do we? 

True Life: This is Me Now

First off, I feel like a better name for this post at the moment would be 'True Life:  I Don't Know How to Use Hot Rollers.'  Seriously... what's so hard about them?  I don't know.  They continue to frustrate and madden me, yet I continue to attempt to make them work to my benefit.  (Perhaps it's just as much that I have no more idea what to do with this mane of hair I've found myself with than I have for what to do with the rollers.  I'm hopeless.)
Anyway, for both your interest and my sanity, I won't subject you to a diatribe on hot rollers.
Moving on.
I want to start by saying a huge thank you to all of you for your comments, emails, facebook messages, phone calls, texts, and personal conversations to let me know that you were thinking about and praying for me and my ongoing struggle with losing weight.  Y'all have no idea how much those words meant to me, and I thank you all so much for your love and support.  I am truly joyous to report that I've had eight successful days and lost four pounds.  It's a tiny chink in my target number but a chink nonetheless.  I'm taking things one day at a time, trying to pray through all of my shortcomings, and talking to God like crazy.  Keep those thoughts and prayers coming; y'all are such a blessing in my life!!
That provides the perfect segue for the next thing I wanted to say.  True friendship is seriously one of the greatest blessings in this life.  Growing up, friendship is relatively easy.  It usually consists of things shared--common interests.  Who likes to play the same games at recess, who likes to see the same movies or play the same sports, who likes to go to the same places and do the same things.  The older you grow, however, the more difficult it becomes to find people who align with the things that are important to you.  Just enjoying doing the same things isn't enough any more.
True friendship in adulthood (whether I feel like it or not, I am, in fact, an adult...) is about unconditional love, acceptance, loyalty, fellowship, history, respect, appreciation, support, and sincerity.  True friends are difficult to find and, due to distance, families, jobs, and the demands of everyday life, even more difficult to hold onto.  More often than I'd like to admit, life just gets in the way.
I have had several reminders lately, though, of the fact that true friendship lasts a lifetime.  A weekend at home including time spent with friends I've known since junior high (and before); a marathon dinner with a friend I've had since I was five; a wedding reunion with some of my most favorite friends from college.  These are not all people I talk to everyday; some of these are not people I talk to every week or even every month.  That does not change the fact, however, that they mean the world to me, and I can count on them for anything.  I love them with my whole heart, and I cannot imagine my life without them.
I look around my life sometimes, and the blessings truly overwhelm me.  I have abundant gifts, and God has showered my life with love and joy.  I have family that are my friends and friends that feel like family.  One true friend is more than any one person can ask for, having a group of them is more than the mind can conceive. 
I know that each of you have people in your lives who are your true friends.  Treasure them, and tell them how much they mean to you.  
To my true friends, you know who you are.  Thank you for all the gifts you bring to my life, and thank you for the constant love and support you provide me.  Thank you for laughing with me and challenging me and encouraging me and putting up with me.  Thank you for listening to me rant and rave and enduring my shadiness.  Thank you for building me up when I'm so quick to tear myself down.  Just, well, thank you.
I love all of you to the moon and back.

Much Ado About Nothing

Recently I've found myself writing out a lot of my posts before I post them, not so much because I'm a perfectionist dead set on having a rough draft or something but more because I get really bored in class and my mind naturally wanders here (where else?).
This time, though, I'm not doing that.  I'm just writing.
Don't you think it funny the impact that people have on our lives?  The impact that lasts forever, sometimes long after the person is no longer a part of our lives?  Years, even lifetimes, later, the smallest, seemingly inconsequential things that meant absolutely nothing at the time bring back scores of memories in an instant.
I love that.
Even though sometimes it's sad and sometimes it hurts, I love those moments.
I think I love those moments because they always remind me of someone who, someday, meant something to me.  He or she may no longer be a part of my life, or at least not in the same capacity, but the memory stands just the same--untouchable, untarnished, and forever in my mind.
I'm not so much talking about reminders about people who have been and will be my life forever--my family and my lifelong friends--for I think about them all the time anyway.  I'm talking about the people who, for whatever reason, have come and gone.  I love those moments that remind me of them.
I'm talking about the people who were my friends during a certain time in my life; I'm talking about the people I met at camp; I'm talking about the people who existed on the perimeters of my life; I'm talking about the people I had classes with in college; I'm talking about the friends of friends I've met throughout my life.
In addition to people who have come and gone, I'm talking about people whose roles have changed in my life.  I'm talking about forever friends whose closeness waxes and wanes; I'm talking about boys I thought I loved, as much as any thirteen-year-old or sixteen-year-old or twenty-year-old or whatever can love anybody, boys I still love but in a wholly different way.  
I'm talking about people I never dreamed would mean what they have, people I never imagined impacting my life the way they have.  I'm talking about the people that pop into my head, as vivid as a picture in front of my face.
I hear a song; I see a sight; I hear a voice or a joke; I see a commercial or a movie; I say some certain thing; I see a picture; one little tiny thing happens and, for better or worse, a memory is standing before me, reminding me of how different my life would be without that person.  Things I thought meant nothing end up meaning everything.
It's sort of like that quote from You've Got Mail:
"The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something, but I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings."
I'm all for the inconsequential, the nothing, the irrelevant, the unimportant.  I'm right there with you, Kathleen Kelly.

Point of View

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to look at life from somebody else's perspective?  Walk in someone else's shoes?  Each day dawns differently for each person, and sometimes I get curious about other people's point of view. 
It seems to me that, every day, each one of us is fighting our own battles.  Some of us are dying to fit in, while others are just looking for a chance to stand out.  Some of us would do anything to find a person to share every second with, while others are desperate for a moment alone.  Some of us would give our last dollar and our every breath to have a child to call our own, while others destroy the ones they have before they're even given the chance to live--or by slowly chipping away at every fiber of their being.
Some of us twirl brown hair around our fingers, willing it to be blonde when we look in the mirror.  We wish we were taller, shorter, smarter, thinner, richer, curvier, prettier, more well-endowed.  We wish we could just be a part of the crowd and blend in, but we're unsatisfied if we're never in the spotlight.  We would do anything to be invited, but sometimes we find ourselves longing for a quiet night at home, wishing we could skip out on the party.
Some of us are scared to death of what tomorrow may bring, but we're unbelievably hasty in wishing away today.
Anyway, I don't know what all of that (or any of it, actually) means.  Maybe nothing.  I don't have a moral of this little diatribe or something I've recently learned from my own life.  I was just thinking about all of this and wondered if all these differences make us, ultimately, the same?
Yikes... sameness.  How utterly ordinary.
Or possibly somewhat comfortable and cozy...
I don't know.  I'm clearly rambling.  Perhaps you have some insight?
In other news, the beach was beyond amazing.  The food, the weather, the company--all stellar.  I'm working on paring down and editing my hundreds of pics, so hopefully I'll have those all up in the next few days.  In the meantime, however, I'll leave you with this little tease, one of my early favorites:

Hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween and November is off to a great start!

November... wow.  Can y'all believe that?!  Where did 2009 go??