La La La

I am so Daria sometimes.  Do y'all remember Daria?  I wasn't really allowed to watch this show when it came on MTV, but, being the "rebellious" high schooler that I was, I would sneakily watch Daria and totally obviously nonchalantly flip the channel when my mom would pop into the room.

Even then I knew I had some definite Daria-isms in me.  In college, I pitched this persona to my friends, and the few who had a clue what I was talking about totally saw the resemblance.  In fact, I was Daria for Halloween a few years ago, but most people just thought I was wearing some bizarro ensemble instead of an actual costume.  Thinking back, the irony in that situation is so Daria.

"People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute."

Anyway, Tuesday was a definite Daria day.  I woke up late; I got scolded at work and sat at my desk with my jaw clenched while tears rolled down my face; it was freezing cold outside and looked like the middle of January; I was on campus from before 8 AM until after 9 PM; I had to miss So You Think You Can Dance (only my favorite show) because of stupid class; I had a hole in my sock and water in my shoe.

That, however, was Tuesday, and yesterday was a whole different story, for yesterday looked something like this:

Green with envy yet?  Sorry, sorry don't mean to rub it in.

Just know that, until Sunday when I have to leave beautiful Destin, Florida, I'll be living the good life and wishing you were all here to share it with me.  Today was about 80 degrees, gorgeous sun, great breeze blowing--in other words, perfection.

I've already taken about six hundred so many pictures, so you'll feel like you were right here with me, don't you worry about that.  I hope everyone's getting excited about a fun Halloween weekend.  I know it will be a different kind of holiday here on the shore, but I couldn't imagine being anywhere better.

Daria days?  Not in Destin, that's for sure.

Down in a Hole

So, for the last ten days or so, I've believe I've been a real pain in the ass bit hard to deal with.  I've felt kind of like this:

like I was down in some dark hole without a clue how to hoist myself out.  I don't really know what's been the problem exactly, but I've been in a serious funk, that I know for sure.  I haven't been able to pinpoint this nasty mood to any one problem, but I can narrow it down to a few factors, I think.
First, I have found myself eating practically everything in sight.  For no apparent reason.  I would arrive home from class or work ravenously hungry and begin pilfering through my cabinets and refrigerator like a madwoman.  I would eat like my arm was being controlled by some sort of machinery, and I was apparently powerless to stop it.  I was shoving in food like this:

mindlessly picking at food like this:

and, all of a sudden, it felt like my kitchen looked like this:

I don't know how it happened, but it wasn't pretty.  And it felt miserable.

Besides eating enough to hibernate for the winter, I was having a pretty tough time schoolwork wise.  I felt like my teachers were speaking foreign languages or like I had somehow wandered into the wrong classroom.  I would sit in my chair staring at the powerpoint in front of me with a glazed expression on my face, maniacally checking my phone to see how many minutes of torture were left.  The more my teachers droned on, the more I felt like this:

 

and I just couldn't seem to get on track, which was not good considering that these last two weeks have most definitely been midterms. 

Duh duh duhhhhhhhhhh...

In addition to the eating and the general lunacy that was class, I felt like I couldn't get a decent night's sleep to save my life.  I would fall asleep feeling like I had been knocked out, like somebody had punched me in the face with this:

but, after a few hours, I would wake up and that would be it.  No more sleepy time.  Therefore, sleep, having to come sometime, would come at the most inopportune time.  It tended to look something like this:

and it was ugly.

Finally, as ridiculous as this may sound, I think the weather has played a big part in my dark cloud over the past days.  My sweet, sleepy little Starkville has ceased looking like this:

and has started to rather eerily resemble this:

It rains all the time these days, and I, for one, have had enough of it.  I never thought I would hear myself say that, for rainy days are usually some of my favorites, but, seriously, enough.  It's not fun rain like this: 

or pretty rain like this:

or even purple rain like this:

It's just rain.  Torrential rain.  Humid rain.  Messy, blowing, muddy, neverending rain.  I think today was the first time in what feels like years that it didn't rain, and it was so great; if it had kept up much longer, I'll would have had to go to school in this:

and walking across the Drill Field would look like this:

Today, however, the clouds started to part, both literally and figuratively, and life started to look like this:

I no longer feel like I want to eat forever, sleep for days, trip people I walk past, throw my professors laptops off a roof, or pull the covers over my head, shutting out the world for an unspecified period of time.  Things are so, so much better, and I'm sure that is making life more pleasant for everyone I come into contact with, as well. 

Finally, in one last happy note, Wex got engaged Friday!  This summer, she and Kyle (who I haven't met yet, but I trust is as wonderful as she says) are going to look like this:

and I can't wait!  Wex, I'm so happy for you and love you sooooo much!  Can't wait to hear all the details as they unfold; the months to come are going to be so much fun!!

As for me, I'm so glad it's Wednesday, as classes are over for the week, work week ends tomorrow, and the weekend will be spent with my favorite hometown crew.  Nothing like wedding festivities to bring the Pats together.

Hope you're all having a great week!!

Operation Happy New Year

As I sit on the cusp of 2009, I am looking back and fondly remembering the highlights (and, let's be honest, the lowlights) of 2008. This was a year filled with personal highs and goals reached, but 2008 also saw a few uncertain and disappointing times for me.

Throughout the past year, I had to face the uncertainty of my future and the changing scenery of my life. I dealt with unexpected loneliness and and a sadness with an origin I could not quite pinpoint, therefore I was unsure how to confront and deal with it. I had to look honestly into the face of my own insecurities and step far outside of my comfort zone. I had to swallow my pride and ask for help. There were many uncomfortable moments and a few nights I just couldn't hold it all together. I filled the pages of my journal, tossed and turned through sleepless nights, and ranted and raved to anyone who would listen. (Let me take this opportunity to apologize to those of you who suffered one of my rants; thank you for your patience.)

However, as for every bad there is always good, I had so many victories during the past year, as well. Getting into grad school and finishing my first semester so successfully was a feat I will remain proud of forever. I discovered a school of study and a career that I genuinely love and have a deep passion for. I conquered my own fears and overcame the loneliness I thought at first would suffocate me. I celebrated achievements and blessings in the lives of my friends (e.g. engagements, weddings, entrances into professional schools, graduations, etc.), and, for the first time in my life, I recognized and understood the true beauty and value of the people who matter in my life. I looked around at my life and realized just how blessed I really am.

I am not one for resolutions, as, more often than not, it seems that making a resolution almost always creates a "dare to fail' scenario. Like a ticking time bomb, it's only a matter of time until you just can't do it (whatever it may be) anymore, and the resolution is broken. Therefore, this year I am simply making an attempt to alter one thing: my attitude. I am not going to make some giant proclamation of positivity, vowing to never utter another negative statement ever again; I'm shooting for the realistic here. (If you know me at all, you that cynicism, sarcasm, and, I'm sad to say, negativity come second nature to me.) I'm simply trying to be more conscious of it.

Maybe I'll call it "Positively 2009" or something equally corny...

The premise of the whole idea is that, in my opinion, a positive attitude affects everything else positively. Perhaps not looking at everything through such cynical eyes or not responding to every situation with a judgmental, biting observation will influence other aspects of my life? I know it may not be quite that simple, but I believe it's worth a shot.

So, faithful readers, you heard it here first. I'm signing on the dotted line, raising my right hand, pinky-promising, and repeating after, well, myself that I'm going to...

try this out.

What's the worst that can happen?

On second thought, what's the best?