Time Starts Now

As we speak, a monumental occasion is taking place in my life. It is a Friday night, and I am at home studying. Okay, maybe it's not actually taking place "as we speak," but you get the idea. Even more shocking, I'm okay with it.
I know, right... I'm not too sure who I am either.
This week has been one filled with highs and lows. I've fallen in love with my major and future possibilities that lie before me in my field, but I've also had to come to terms with the fact that I will have to make sacrifices to achieve the goals I want so much to reach. I've settled into a routine in my apartment and enjoyed having my own space for the first time, but I've been blindsided by the loneliness that crept in when I was least expecting it. Everywhere I look I see recollections of "how things used to be," except that there now exists a whole new cast of characters. Other people are living my memories, and I'm left feeling a little disoriented. I'm already taking steps toward the future, but I know it will take me a little while to keep from looking over my shoulder hoping to see my memories come to life behind me.
I must admit, these past few days, I have painfully missed the people who made Starkville so great the first time around. I wish they were here with me tonight. The friends I have here are wonderful, and I am so very thankful to have them (I have to be... they keep me at least marginally young), but I miss my OLD friends. The ones who were here with me five years ago when Gavin DeGraw performed here for the first time. The ones who still remember when Mugshots was the Courthouse Grill. The ones who remember that one great semester at the Hunt Club. The ones who have t-shirts from parties before 2006 (or, God forbid, before 2004...). The ones who remember the Pub. I don't necessarily miss these things; I just miss the people who were around for these things.
Growing up sucks.
To provide the icing on the proverbial cake this week, I came to terms with a situation that has been plaguing me for about the past year. After hours and hours, months and months of debating and soul-searching, excuse-making and daydreaming, I finally laid it to rest. Do you ever have situations in your life that, as much as you want them to work out a certain way, you just know will never turn out the way you hope? That's the case in point here, and I think I've finally reached. Free of anger, sadness, distorted reality, malice or apprehension, I simply know what has to be done, and, more importantly, I'm ready to do it. I do not fool myself into thinking it will be easy, but I have been praying about it a great deal, and I know that God will bring me through it.
I apologize for the slight Debbie Downer, Negative Nancy vibe that some readers might pick up from this post. You know some of the stigmas that go along with graduate students... philosophical and overly self-involved... looks like I'm fitting in fine...