Before and After

Often when big events happen in life, I find myself looking at things in a before and after mentality. Looking back into my memory, things get categorized into one part of the dichotomy or the other. Before graduation and after graduation; before dad died and after dad died; before I went to college and after I went to college; before I went to grad school and after I went to grad school. Do you know what I mean? Well, I have added a new one of late: before mom's surgery and after mom's surgery.
Three weeks ago today, mom went to the hospital for a knee replacement. If you had asked me before the surgery, I don't really know that I could have told you what I expected "after the surgery" to be like. I don't think I had any idea, for "after the surgery" was such an abstract concept.
I am, however, relatively certain that I could have named a number of things that I didn't expect. I didn't expect to spend a stint in the ICU. I didn't expect to be so scared I thought I would be physically sick. I didn't expect to see God's presence in the faces of the hospital nurses. I didn't expect to take on these mountains of responsibility and still be able to keep a smile on my face (most of the time). I didn't expect to watch over my mother in the night while she's sleeping, as if our roles had been reversed. I didn't expect to have the physical and mental strength to play a major part in my mother's physical therapy. I didn't expect to be able to withstand pushing her to tears almost everyday. I didn't expect to spend a chunk of my day having a devotion with my mom and reading novels out loud to her; I didn't expect to cherish that time so much. I didn't expect to lean so heavily on my friends and family. I didn't expect to be so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support that has met me at every turn. I didn't know what to expect, but I certainly didn't expect this.
I am unbelievably proud of my mother and the improvement she is making everyday. I know she is in worlds of pain, and she is not afraid to make that known. She cries when it gets to be too much, but she never gives up. These weeks have not been easy on either of us, but she is the one who is being forced to endure the physical pain of it all, and I'm so proud of all that she is doing. My mom is unbelievably strong, and she impresses me every single day. I ask you to continue praying for her physical and emotional strength through this process, for she still has a long road of recovery ahead of her.
Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and prayers throughout these weeks. I've felt each one of them, and I could never convey how much they have meant. Your love and support keep us going.