The Criminal Code

Ode to Criminal Minds:

Hotch, you never crack a smile,

But I'd still want you on my case.

You love your precious son, Jack,

And your wife, too (who played Andie McPhee on Dawson's Creek).

Sometimes you're really hard on your team,

But it's just because you care so much about your job.

The Reaper actually brought you to tears,

But that was before he tried to kill you and dumped you at the ER.

Gideon, how do you know it all?

No matter what the case, you always have the answers

Except, that is, when you let six agents get blown up,

And then ran off--never to be heard from again...

Elle and Prentiss, you're the ones I don't really feel like I know.
Prentiss, you look like a young Angelica Huston, but that's really all I've got.
Rossi, you're the one I like the least,
For sometimes you just have a 'tude.
You went on a book tour, good for you.
I would be fine if you went back into retirement.

JJ and Garcia, I love y'all.

Garcia, I always wonder just what is on your head (and what you're wearing),

And I think your computer-hacking skills are unbelievable.

JJ, I adore that you made Reid Henry's godfather,

And I think you're so pretty.

Morgan, I think you're great.

You're so easy on the eyes,

And you have the prettiest white teeth.

I love how you're like a big brother to Reid,

And you're so protective over Garcia.

(I loathe pet names, but I don't mind your banter with Garcia.)

Dr. Spencer Reid, my love.

PhD cubed--tallest, skinniest, most awkward boy ever.

Geeky clothes and a constant spouting of statistics.

I love your innocence and your naivete,

Your mad chess skills and your wild unkempt hair.

I love that your mother is Jane Lynch,

And I love that Morgan is trying to teach you to be a ladies' man.

Criminal Minds, what did I do before I knew you?

The un-subs, the victimology, the profiles, the guest stars,

The tiny, tiny personal insights,

And the way the team is like a family.

I love your black SUVs and your bullet-proof vests,

Your quotes and your time spent on the jet,

And the storylines that are sometimes almost too real.

I'm so glad you've come into my life.