Clinging to the Cross

“What, then, shall we say in response to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?”—Romans 8:31
On this Easter Sunday, I am filled with the spirit of God more, perhaps, than any Easter Sunday before.  God has carried me through these past few days, weeks, and months, and, with His continued strength and reassurance, I hope to be able to withstand anything that comes.  Thusfar, 2012 has been a whirlwind, and my faith has often been the only thing keeping me grounded.
In case you’re lost and wondering just what I’m talking about, I’ll back up and start from the beginning.
On Martin Luther King, Jr. Day (January 16), my mom started having some irregular bleeding.  Having gone through menopause years earlier, this was immediately concerning, so she made an appointment with her local gynecologist.  She saw him on February 2, and he diagnosed her with fibroid tumors and said it was very possible the bleeding would stop on its own.  He wanted to see her back in 2 weeks to check the status of the bleeding and do a scrape of the lining of her uterus.  She returned to his office on February 16 for the scrape, but he was unable to get the sample he wanted.  So, he scheduled her for a D & C (Dilation and Curettage, a routine outpatient surgical procedure) on February 24, in order to obtain the needed sample of the lining of her uterus.  The procedure went smoothly, and we awaited her results.  Throughout all of this time, mom had no pain and the bleeding had ceased soon after her initial visit to her doctor.  We had speculated in our own minds that her doctor might recommend her having a hysterectomy over the summer.   On March 2, however, she went back to her doctor and received a diagnosis I had feared but not dared to speak:  endometrial (uterine) cancer.
Those two words hit me in the stomach with a one-two punch that took my breath away.  Cancer.  My brain could hardly process it.  The word just didn’t even feel right in my mouth—it tasted bad and begged to be spit out.  The world tilted a little in that instant, and it immediately became one of those before/after moments.   My life was one way before the diagnosis; my life is different now.
Her local gynecologist referred her on to a gynecological oncologist in Jackson, and an appointment was made with him for March 13.  Not only was that appointment made, actually, but she had an appointment the following day for surgery, as well—a total hysterectomy, including uterus, ovaries, lymph nodes and appendix, too.  (See why I feel like I’m in a whirlwind?)  So, on the morning of March 13, we traveled to Jackson and met with her oncologist.  As mom and I will both attest, walking into an oncologist’s office makes a cancer diagnosis awfully real.  Looking around the waiting room, I knew that everyone there was associated in some way with a cancerous diagnosis, and my heart broke for them just as I knew theirs broke for me.  Strangers upon entering, we all quickly realized we had more in common than we initially saw. 
We met with her doctor, whom we both instantly liked, and talked with him about the next day’s procedure as well as the possibilities for post-op treatment.  We left his office with detailed surgery-day instructions and spinning heads, but we were both eager to “get this show on the road.”  The surgery went well, and mom began her recovery.  Her doctor had hoped to be able to perform the surgery using the technologically-advanced da Vinci robot, but, because of the positioning of one of her ovaries, he had to do an incision.  That caused mom some additional discomfort as she began to heal from the operation, but we were, of course, in favor of him doing whatever he needed to do to get the cancer.  In addition, mom lost a good bit of blood during surgery (all of the nurses kept saying she had a “big surgery”), so, several days after her operation, she had to receive 2 units of blood.  We were released from the hospital on Monday, March 19, and headed home to Columbus (you can imagine how unpleasant that ride was).  After only being home a few days, I noticed that one of the incision spots looked a little infected, so I called her oncologist’s nurse practitioner to check it out with her.  She called mom in an antibiotic, which we started that day.  (It’s a running joke with mom and I (observed in her past surgical endeavors), that she can never do anything the easy way!!)  In the weeks since, she’s been resting and recovering and trying to regain a little bit of strength every day.  I’ve been coming home to help her every weekend, as she gets tired very easily.  I am, without a doubt, exhausted and practically dead on my feet much of the time, but I’m so thankful to be able to help her through this time and even more thankful for the strength God gives me to continue on. 
As it stands now, we await one final piece of the puzzle to know where her treatment will go from here.  We are still waiting on the pathology report from her surgery, as the lab has been backed up and her doctor wants to have time to thoroughly study the pre-op and post-op reports.  You can probably imagine how tortuous this waiting has been, but we cling to the knowledge that this too is part of God’s plan for both of our lives, and we know that, in perfect time, the next steps will be revealed.
I cannot thank you all enough for the calls, texts, emails, cards, visits, flowers, food, and, most of all, thoughts and prayers you’ve sent our way over the past weeks.  Your love and support has kept us going when things got too heavy, and we will never be able to express to you all how much it means.  I ask you to please continue to pray for us as we await the pathology report (which we hope to have Tuesday) and find out what, if any, will be the next step in mom’s treatment.  Seeing as the first symptom appeared not even 3 months ago, you can understand why our heads continue to spin when we really think about all that has come to pass so far this year.  We ask your prayers for strength, patience, thankfulness, and, perhaps most of all, trust in God’s perfect plan.  We fully believe that God is in control of all things, but worry and anxiety and discouragement inevitably try to creep in, and your kind words and fervent prayers help us fight those dark moments.  I will try to be more vigilant in updating the blog, but let me again say a huge THANK YOU for all you’ve done for us these past weeks!!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."--Jeremiah 29:11
To God be the Glory,

Catching Up

Hey, friends.
I'm still here; I'm just crazy busy these days taking care of my mom.
I just wanted to share a quick update on my mom's post-surgery progress and ask for a very specific prayer request. 
Monday will mark the four-week mark since her surgery, and in those four weeks we have been riding one wild coaster.  During these weeks, we've made a middle-of-the-night trip to the emergency room, battled excessive swelling, fought down a fever, and dealt with some other bumps in the road.  We have been to the doctor's office several times, and many tears have been shed between the two of us.
We are still fighting one battle, though, and for that I ask your very specific prayers.  Forgive my somewhat graphic request, but here goes.  She is still having tiny pinpricks of blood from her incision, and, until those stop, we cannot continue with physical therapy and her recovery.  I know it might sound minimal or silly, but we have been stopped from progressing for six days now due to this bleeding, and we are both fighting frustration and discouragement at every turn. 
Some days it seems like we take two steps forward and three steps back, and it just almost seems to be too much sometimes. 
She's so strong and wants so badly to be invested in physical therapy and getting back to the routine of her life, but, for some reason, that's not the plan God is following at the moment.  I ask you to pray for not only the stopping of this tiny bit of bleeding but also our patience and acceptance for God's timetable instead of our own.
Your prayers keep me strong, and your friendship means the world.
All my love,

About Time

This week I learned, and I mean really learned, a difficult life lesson. It's been two years in the making, but Thursday afternoon I finally decided to pull my head out of the sand and get with the program.
Sometimes you hear people say things like "If you want something bad enough, it will come true" or "You just have to will it into existence; make it happen." That may or may not be true when talking about landing the perfect job, finding the perfect cocktail dress, smoothing those pesky fly-aways, or learning all the pertinent information for a final exam. Perhaps it is possible to will inanimate objects into producing the outcome you desire; that's a personal opinion, I guess. However, in my life experience, I have found it to be factual that, when it comes to human beings and their emotions, those generalizations simply don't hold up. There's too many unknowns, too many rogue factors, and often far too much at stake.
Those are all the notions that became crystal clear to me Thursday afternoon, as I drove back to Starkville from Columbus. I realized that, no matter how much I want something to happen, it's not within my control to make the equation work to my advantage, for I only hold half the variables; I'm only playing with half the deck. I know this sounds like an elementary concept, and some of you may be saying, "So what? Where's the rocket science in that discovery?" and you would be exactly right. This wasn't a groundbreaking discovery for the world at large, but it was exactly what I needed to be able to put a painful, maddening situation to rest once and for all.
I woke up Friday morning (er... afternoon) with a whole new attitude and an outlook I hadn't experienced in quite a while; it was fabulous. I had finally come to terms with the fact that I can't resent another person because I want him/her to be something that is just not possible for him/her to fulfill. And, more than that, this transcends this particular situation and creates a new insight into so many situations and relationships in my life. It's been quite the philosophical weekend, I assure you.
I know some of you may be wondering just what in the world all of this is about, but the specifics really aren't important. I'll just leave it at this: it is, as you've probably guessed, of course about a boy; I mean, let's be honest, ladies, when is it not?
Positively 2009, good to see you again, friend.