Operation Happy New Year

As I sit on the cusp of 2009, I am looking back and fondly remembering the highlights (and, let's be honest, the lowlights) of 2008. This was a year filled with personal highs and goals reached, but 2008 also saw a few uncertain and disappointing times for me.

Throughout the past year, I had to face the uncertainty of my future and the changing scenery of my life. I dealt with unexpected loneliness and and a sadness with an origin I could not quite pinpoint, therefore I was unsure how to confront and deal with it. I had to look honestly into the face of my own insecurities and step far outside of my comfort zone. I had to swallow my pride and ask for help. There were many uncomfortable moments and a few nights I just couldn't hold it all together. I filled the pages of my journal, tossed and turned through sleepless nights, and ranted and raved to anyone who would listen. (Let me take this opportunity to apologize to those of you who suffered one of my rants; thank you for your patience.)

However, as for every bad there is always good, I had so many victories during the past year, as well. Getting into grad school and finishing my first semester so successfully was a feat I will remain proud of forever. I discovered a school of study and a career that I genuinely love and have a deep passion for. I conquered my own fears and overcame the loneliness I thought at first would suffocate me. I celebrated achievements and blessings in the lives of my friends (e.g. engagements, weddings, entrances into professional schools, graduations, etc.), and, for the first time in my life, I recognized and understood the true beauty and value of the people who matter in my life. I looked around at my life and realized just how blessed I really am.

I am not one for resolutions, as, more often than not, it seems that making a resolution almost always creates a "dare to fail' scenario. Like a ticking time bomb, it's only a matter of time until you just can't do it (whatever it may be) anymore, and the resolution is broken. Therefore, this year I am simply making an attempt to alter one thing: my attitude. I am not going to make some giant proclamation of positivity, vowing to never utter another negative statement ever again; I'm shooting for the realistic here. (If you know me at all, you that cynicism, sarcasm, and, I'm sad to say, negativity come second nature to me.) I'm simply trying to be more conscious of it.

Maybe I'll call it "Positively 2009" or something equally corny...

The premise of the whole idea is that, in my opinion, a positive attitude affects everything else positively. Perhaps not looking at everything through such cynical eyes or not responding to every situation with a judgmental, biting observation will influence other aspects of my life? I know it may not be quite that simple, but I believe it's worth a shot.

So, faithful readers, you heard it here first. I'm signing on the dotted line, raising my right hand, pinky-promising, and repeating after, well, myself that I'm going to...

try this out.

What's the worst that can happen?

On second thought, what's the best?

Tuesday Be My Friend

Today I spent the greatest day with Ben, one of my favorite friends in the world.
We didn't do anything special, just hung out in Starkville, had a great lunch and enjoyed a little afternoon coffee (and of course talked and laughed non-stop...), but the simplicity of the day is what made it so great.
Considering the distance between New York, New York, and Starkville, Mississippi, Ben and I have seen each other a good number of times since he moved in July of 2007. It seems, however, that every time we see each other there's a lot going on. We're trying to see the sights of New York; he's trying to meet up with every old friend he ever spoke to during his time at Mississippi State in one football game weekend; he's running back and forth between family and friend gatherings all over south Mississippi during holiday visits. Although we always have millions of laughs, things are often hectic and stressed.
Hence the beauty of this visit.
It had no plan; it had no agenda. We had the whole day to fill and no schedule to fill it. It was wonderful. It was almost like one of the hundreds of days we spent lounging around during college, and I think that's why I enjoyed today so very much. I took those laid back days for granted during that time, without even realizing how different my life would be in the not-so-distant future. Today was a throw-back to those carefree afternoons, putting the real world of jobs and higher education on hold for a little while and lazing around Starkville, a place that holds so many amazing memories for both of us.
It was so great to get to really talk and relax and see where the day took us. I know we can never go back to the way things were during our time in college, for it was a different time and life is different now, but, just for today, it was nice to pretend nothing in the world had changed.

Sick Girl

I just returned from my grandmother's house. I wish I could say it was a relaxing and enjoyable holiday, but right now I can't seem to remember much of it, honestly.
What's that you say?
No, I didn't have too much wine with dinner.
Late Thursday night I had my first ever experience with the stomach virus. I think I thought I'd had it before, but I know now that I was wrong. The last 48 hours have been pretty miserable, but thankfully everything seems to be much, much better now.
These last few days have really taught me one unexpected lesson: there are few things as soothing as a cold washcloth lying on your forehead. That little cool square of cloth made all the difference in the world, and I think I'm going to be using that method of therapy a lot more often. If you come to my apartment in the future, don't be alarmed if you walk in and I've got a cold washcloth on my head.
Seriously.
I'm pretty worn out, and am headed off to bed, but just wanted to let those of you who I know were on the edge of your seats know that I did, in fact, get my Nikon I wanted so badly for Christmas. I honestly haven't even been able to really take it out of the box yet, but I'm hopefully going to get serious with it tomorrow. I may still be a novice photographer, but at least now I've got a great piece of equipment to make me look like a pseudo-professional.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

Yesterday I was chewed out by an elderly man in the Wal-Mart parking lot.
Most of you know of my hatred for Wal-Mart, so when my mom told me she needed me to "run up" there for her, I was certainly not looking forward to the trip. I knew I would have to park across the highway and there would one million people inside, knocking each other down for the last Wii or some such holiday item.
Therefore, when I got there and headed up the aisle to search for the ever-evasive parking spot, I was elated to see a woman packing her groceries into the third parking spot from the front. The third spot! I pulled over as far as I could, put on my blinker, and settled in to wait for my spot.
As I watched this woman load her purchases into her car, I wondered if she could possibly do it any slower. Apparently everything had a certain spot into which it must be loaded, for she had some things she placed in the trunk of her car and others that went inside. While I was waiting for her to complete the slowest loading process of all time, a few cars went around me and, admittedly, there were a couple of cars in line behind me.
All of a sudden this man was standing beside my car, motioning for me to roll down the window. I guess thought perhaps I knew him or he was hoping to spread a little Christmas cheer, so I rolled down the window. Christmas cheer was not what he was spreading, however. He proceeded to tel me (in not the kindest of language) how I was blocking traffic and that if I wanted this parking spot I needed to go around the lot again and come back and get it.
Yeah, right; I'm sure it would just be sitting there waiting for me, sir.
I told him I was sorry, and he responded with, "Ain't no sorry."
I'm not sure exactly what that meant, but I knew one thing for sure: i wasn't giving up that parking spot, not for him or anyone else.
Therefore, I summoned up all my gumption and said, "Sir, it is December the twenty-third, and this is Wal-Mart. What exactly did you expect?" I then proceeded to roll my window up in his face.
My mom said I was lucky he didn't hit me or worse.
I thought that's about how all of yesterday was going to go, but it got markedly better when I went to a Christmas party full of old friends last night. Mary Katherine and Florence combined their class Christmas parties into one party this year, and it was so much fun. Caught up with some friends I don't get to hang out with that often, hung out with some of my favorite people, and enjoyed a true dose of Christmas cheer.
As we speak, I'm supposed to be packing to leave for my family's Christmas extravaganza, but I'm obviously prioritizing. First things first, you know. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, and Santa brings you everything you're hoping for!

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

All I Want for Christmas

There are so many wonderful things I love about Christmas.

I know sometimes the holidays can get stressful, with running around buying last minute gifts, visiting various relatives and never having quite enough time to squeeze everybody in, and fighting crowds everywhere you go, but there really is something magical in the air this time of year.

From the moment I first drag out my decorations (which this year was about mid-November; I'm not ashamed to admit it), the spirit of the holiday is alive inside of me. Cheesy, I know, but true, nonetheless.
I love the commercials that come on television during the Christmas season. This year a few of my favorites include: the Pampers commercial where Silent Night is being sung a capella while pictures of sleeping babies are shown; the Wal-Mart commerical with all of the various children jumping out of bed and running downstairs to see what Santa brought; the Alltel Christmas commerical in which the phone guys steal the letters to Santa and attempt to re-write them; and, finally, the Macy's commerical in which some of the major designers (e.g. Jessica Simpson, Martha Stewart, Tommy Hilfiger) talk about the ways that Santa really does exist. That little girl dropping her letter into that giant mailbox gets me every time.
I also love the holiday movies that are constantly coming on television during this season. Everything from White Christmas to Home Alone to How the Grinch Stole Christmas (both cartoon and live action) can be found on some channel at any given point in a day. Movies like Cars and The Incredibles and Harry Potter are also constantly airing on television, and I suppose they relate to Christmas... somehow?? Usually, I find some great original movies on television this time of year, but, sadly, I have been a little disappointed with the offerings this season. However, it is admittedly difficult to top last year's Holiday in Handcuffs starring hunky Mario Lopez, so it's understandable.

I love the music of the holiday season, and I love walking into practically any store in any town and being almost guaranteed to hear some variation of some Christmas song playing. It may be some ghastly punk rendition of a song you sung at your pre-school Christmas program, or it may be one of the classics like Judy Garland's original version of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, but you know it's a Christmas tune nevertheless.

One of the things I love most about this season is holiday church services. The music, the decorations, the sheer numbers present in the church and the special messages pastors often deliver make for a very powerful combination. Special choral programs and children's programs are always meaningful and enjoyable, and it really is like there is a giant celebration taking place--a celebration of the birthday of Jesus Christ.

I love the Christmas cards, both sending and receiving. I love the Christmas lights, both tacky and tasteful. I love the baking and the shopping and the wrapping. I love reuniting with old friends and laughing over memories of years past. I love the smells and the foods and the parties and the decorations. I love the magic that is encapsulated in all of it.

This year, I asked Santa for one thing and one thing only. I hope that, somewhere amidst all of the presents underneath our Christmas tree, is the Nikon camera I want so badly. I've been dropping not-so-suble hints since November, but haven't really gotten very far... you know I'll keep you posted.

Massage Therapy

This morning I got a massage.
The official posting of my grades happened yesterday, and, for the first time in my academic career, I got a 4.0. I decided to give myself a little congratulatory treat for all of my hard work this semester, so I called and made myself a massage appointment for this morning.
I love massages. At first I thought I didn't because the first one I ever got was by a man (some might think that sounds like a pro rather than a con, but you would think differently if you had seen Edward...), but I really do love them. They're so relaxing, and relieve tensions I sometimes don't even know I have.
If you've never had the pleasure of a getting a massage (or, like Austin Powers says it, a 'sensual ma-sage'), I would highly recommend it.
I love my masseuse Sandy, who did the one today. She's so nice and friendly. And, let's be honest, I'm sure she sees some nasty stuff. If I had her job, I'd probably be short with people and make sarcastic comments, but not Sandy.
One of my favorite parts of getting a massage from Sandy is that part of it feels a bit like calisthenics: like a little mini workout. Except, it is what I would imagine a workout might feel like if I was in a coma. She moves my limbs around in all sorts of funny positions, while the rest of me remains dead weight. It's a strange but pleasant experience.
I also love Sandy's bag of hot coals she uses during the massage. I'm pretty positive it's not really a bag of hot coals, exactly (more like a netted sack of warmed pebbles, I think), but that's what I like to call it. I can hear that bag of hot coals when she brings it in, and I know a really good part is coming. After that I just about sink clean through the table and onto the floor I'm so relaxed.
That brings me to another observation. I've often wondered how, on television shows like The Bachelor, couples can get massages together while keeping their eyes open and carrying on entire conversations. I couldn't do it. I can't even hold my eyes open, much less attempt to speak. I think if I was forced to speak, it might sound something like the noises Marv makes in Home Alone 2 as he's being repeatedly hit in the head with falling bricks. A series of grunts and wheezes and indecipherable mumblings...
Finally, when I get up from the massage, I always expect my hair to be sticking out from my head in a Medusa-like style due to the oil, but it never is. Just before I get up I always think what a disaster my hair is certainly going to be, but, somehow, it falls into place. I find that to be so odd.
Anyway, I have floated around all day today, all mushy and relaxed. God bless that Sandy, and her bag of hot coals, too...