Family Matters

I miss my family.

This thought popped into my head yesterday morning when, for some unexpected and random reason I was ready for work a whopping 20 minutes early. (Usually I am running out the door at least 5 minutes past the "at the very latest" time I've set for myself...) I was laying on my bed, listening to music, and it hit me.

I miss my family.

Lots.

From May of 2007 until this August, I was virtually free of responsibility and wasn't really tied down to a whole lot. I was never buried under the mounds of homework that so frequently suffocate me now; I was never running from one group meeting to another, squeezing a few hours of work in between there somewhere; I was almost always available to take phone calls and return texts and visit people on a moment's notice.

Now, however, my life is just about full to capacity, and my schedule is like its own little rubik's cube--there's only one way that everything everything fits, try turning the pieces another way and you'll just end up with a big, confusing mess. I've been able to fit my friends into this pretty well, for so many of them are battling their own hectic schedules, but my family presents a bit more of a challenge. When I'm awake studying at 2:00 in the morning, they're undoubtedly (and enviably) asleep; when they can talk at 3:00 in the afternoon, I'm in class; when I get out of class at 9:00 PM, they're putting kids to bed or preparing for bed themselves.

Some days it seems like I'll never hear their voices again.

I know people say this all the time, but my family means the absolute world to me. We're a pretty small group, we've been through some tough times together, and we're pretty close. So many of my "-isms" and my special memories are wrapped up in them.

I guess tonight I just want to say that, if any of you are reading this, I love you and miss you very much. There are a multitude of reasons that I'm glad the holidays are fast-approaching, but the greatest of those by far is that it brings me closer to a time I know we'll all be together. Sometimes, when I don't think I can read one more theory or write one more assessment observation, I think about seeing all of you very soon, and that makes my work seem manageable.

My goodness... am I a total cheeseball tonight, or what?

A Nose in the Book

I finished the most amazing book last night.
Many of you know that I am an avid reader and will devour just about anything that even remotely piques my interest. Lately, however, I have had absolutely zero time for reading outside of class reading. I have been reading The Sound and the Fury since early August, and I'm still only about halfway through it!

Anyway, I was at Wal-Mart Wednesday afternoon (I had delayed the trip as long as I possibly could, but I couldn't put it off any longer...) and was perusing through the book/magazine section, which is always the last thing I do anytime I go to Wal-Mart. I can almost always find something that looks interesting or something I've heard about, and it's almost like my consolation prize for making it through the trip.

"Congratulations, Lauren Springer. You've made it to the finish line without being run over, getting into a fight with an unhelpful sales associate, or simply giving up and going home. Although there's probably several items on your list you were unable to locate in our metal-roofed megastore, we'd like you to go home happy. Please consider this morsel of current fiction our way of saying 'thanks.'"

That being said, I was browsing through the paperbacks and came across Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist. Of course I've seen the preview for this movie, which comes out in about two weeks; it is played on TV about every 8.6 minutes, how could I have missed it? I did not, however, realize it was a book...

Consider me interested.

I read the short description and, being a firm believer that the book is always better than the movie, I was hooked. It sounded funny; it looked like a quick-read; it was just the sort of mindless unreality that my how-many-articles-can-a-person-read-about-existential-therapy mind was craving.

Sold.

I brought it home, and, a little more than 24 hours later, I'm finished. I could not have loved it more. Laugh-out-loud funny, sweet, and totally unrealistic---everything I needed it to be. If you're looking for a fun read, I highly recommend it. I won't go into the details of the story, for I know some of you will at least go see the movie, but just know that I highly recommend it. This book is such a great find, and if the movie is half as good, we're all in for a treat.

"Norah looks like the only use she has for the word fun is to make the word funeral."

Seriously, it's hilarious. It's racy, mind you, but it's hilarious.

But, as that guy on Reading Rainbow used to say, you don't have to take my word for it.

One Fine Day

Today has been the greatest day.
The past week-and-a-half or so have been pretty hectic schoolwise, but today was kind of a big breath of fresh air.
Allow me to recreate it for you now.
I woke up at 5:00 (yes, AM) to print off the final draft of my paper for my presentation this afternoon. I then took a shower and headed to work, once again thrilled at the beautiful fall weather.
I didn't really do too much at work, but the time passed pretty quickly anyway.
After I got off work, I headed to the library to meet with Lauren, my presentation partner, to go over our material one last time. We made our way to class, ready to fully educate our classmates on the ins, outs, ups and downs of anorexia. We decided we would just bite the bullet and go ahead and be the first group to present.
It really went great.
I have been worried about giving this presentation since the first day of class (in case you didn't know, English majors don't give a multitude of presentations; it's more of an independent field of study), but we did a really good job. I was still glad to have it over with, however.
At the end of my class, we got our test scores back from the test we took last week, which was my first test of graduate school. I was a little nervous about the test and was anxious to see how I had done. Please allow me to shamelessly brag on myself for just two seconds while I say... I got the highest grade in the class!
Perhaps all those hours of studying really are paying off?
Anyway, after I got that bit of good news, I went to my night class, which seemed to pass much more quickly and interestingly than normal. Before I knew it, it was 8:00 and time to go home.
Nick came over and hung out for awhile, and I was so glad to have a few hours to just relax with a good friend and take a deep breath.
As I finish writing this, I can't wait to fall into bed and get a superb night's rest.
If there's one thing God continues to teach me during this phase of my life, it is to truly take note of and appreciate the little things. For the first time in my life I think, I actually know what that means.

The Boys

Tonight this post is dedicated to a few people who mean more to me than they can EVER imagine. I haven't known them my whole life (well, one of them comes pretty close); I haven't lived with them in the sorority house; I try hard not to let them see me without makeup or with greasy hair (oh, yeah, right... who am I kidding?).

While I love my girl friends more than I can describe, there is just something special about these boys. They make me laugh so hard I can't breathe; they tell me the most hilarious stories; they censor my "love interests" and tell me whether they're appropriate or not; they help me out of the plethora of scrapes I get myself into; they listen to me complain; they make fun of me mercilessly. Ben, Nick, Alex and Josh... here's to you.

Ben is what I like to think of as the Jerry to my Elaine. Sometimes it literally is like we were separated at birth, and we just function better together. We have a zillion absurd nicknames for each other; we laugh at the same ridiculous stories; we talk about books we want to read; we go see off-beat movies (when I can handle the extreme violence that Ben loves so much, that is); we always get each other without having to try at all. I can't wait until the day that Ben is a culinary legend; don't think I won't be milking the advantages that come along with that. Sometimes I can't believe that we've only known each other for three years; it seems like three lifetimes.

Nick is my rock. He's the one I can always count on to be there when I need somebody to lean on and to assure me that things really are going to work out fine. We bitch and moan to each other about grad school; we constantly talk about how unbelievably old we are; we've known each other for, like, ever it seems; if I've done (or said) something stupid, he helps me figure it out; without him I think grad school might actually kill me. We live about 100 yards apart, but the only time I seem to see him is in class. That's okay, though, because sometimes it's nice just to know that he's there. Nick is, without a doubt, the closest thing to a brother I've ever known.

Alex and Josh are my links to my younger self. I know it's hard for some of you to believe unless you've been around me recently, but I really have turned into a professional student. I study all the time, and these two remind me of what I used to be and challenge me to keep up my hard-earned reputation. Just today, (which was Boys Bid Day, one of my favorite days of my entire undergraduate career...) they both called me separately to discuss possible alcohol options for the day's celebration. Should I be embarrassed that I was a little bit flattered that they called me, even though I clearly had no part in the festivities? Whether I should be or not, I wasn't... I loved it. More than all of that, however, they're amazing friends I cherish so much.

Alex is a person who I love to sit and talk with about anything, really. Wise far beyond his years, he overwhelms me sometimes with the maturity and responsibility he shows throughout practically every situation he finds himself in (you know I can't say every situation... we all cut loose sometimes, right?). Alex is one of those people who could be having the worst day, and you would never know it by the way he outwardly presents himself. And, on top of all of that, he can make a "That's what she said" quote out of almost anything. Who could ask for more? In all seriousness, though, he inspires me to look at the world differently and to strive to be a better person.

Josh is the friend I never expected to find. In all honesty, who expects to find new friends in February of their senior year? I certainly didn't, but this guy just came in out of nowhere, and I couldn't help but have so much fun with him. We bonded over BuckNasty 2007, and we've been friends ever since. He's the friend that shows up at my apartment unannounced all the time (which I love); the friend who took me to a fraternity date party and knocked me down on the dancefloor and all we could do was laugh; the friend who tells me I'm still as cool as I used to be (which I need to hear far more frequently than I used to); the friend who listens to all my stories of my most embarrassing moments like he's never heard them before. Josh makes me feel like I can wait just a little bit longer before I pull out my orthopaedic shoes and my walker.

Each of these guys plays a part in my life that could not be filled by anyone else. Some days I feel like I'm that girl on the TV show "My Boys" (a show which I've never actually watched but feel, nonetheless, that I can relate to). There's just something different about being friends with guys, and it's something that I think I definitely need in my life. I don't know whether it's the drama-free existence, the total honesty on all subjects, the security that comes from being surrounded by them or the alternative perspective of the world they naturally offer.

My boys are a big part of the reason my life is the way it is. I guess the actual reason doesn't really matter.

Big Wednesday

I love Wednesdays.

Wednesday is the one day out of the week when I can leave work at 1:00 and not have anywhere else I HAVE to be for the rest of the day. I never thought one free afternoon would mean to much to me, but grad school is quickly teaching me to appreciate the little things.

This was a particularly oustanding Wednesday.

It really went well right from the beginning. The whole time I was at work I was really busy, which might cause some to scratch their head in wonder, saying "What's so great about that?" Those of you who have worked office jobs will perfectly understand me when I say the following: the more work you have to do, the faster the day goes by.

While I was a work I got a voicemail from a local number, but I can't check my messages while I'm at the office, so I didn't get the message until I left at 1:00. And what a great message it was...

Somebody sent me flowers!

I am one of those people who truly believe that there are few things better in the world than fresh flowers, and fresh flowers sent from someone you love are just that much more special.

But who in the world could these be from? And for what occasion?

I got home to find a beautiful bouquet at my apartment, sent to me from my sweet best friend, Bailey. I couldn't imagine why in the world she might be sending me these... and then I read the card, which was officially asking me to be the maid of honor in her and Sage's wedding this summer.

Hmmm.... I wonder what I should say...

Duh.

After that sweet surprise I headed to my favorite lunch spot, City Bagel (which just happens to be located about 100 yards from my apartment). I sat outside on this beautiful "pseudo-fall" afternoon, ate a turkey on spinach and cheddar bagel sandwich and studied about eating disorders. (This is the type of subject I am frequently submerged in now. Yesterday it was poverty, today eating disorders. Comes with the territory, I guess.)

I wasn't quite ready to head inside yet, so I headed onto campus to further my enjoyment of the sunshine under one of the umbrellas at the State Fountain Bakery. The cool breeze blew, I saw several familiar faces, and I looked around at the beauty that is Mississippi State University.

I know I sound incredibly cheesy right now, but I had an admittedly cheesy afternoon.

I can't help it.

When the sun started to set, I came home and studied for a while longer before treating myself to sushi, one of my favorite meals. I watched a little Will & Grace while I ate, looked at my beautiful bridesmaid-esque bouquet and thought about what a great day it's been.

I should have known it would be good when I woke up this morning.

It's Wednesday, after all.

Drama Queen

Wow... I haven't posted in awhile...

The last several days have been very eventful with lots going on, and I guess I've pushed posting to the back burner (shocking, I know). Looks like I should get right to it, then.

The weekend started Thursday when Amanda arrived for a short visit. I was so glad to see her, since we hadn't hung out since MAY!! We had the greatest time just catching up and talking like we used to do all the time. Also, there are few groups I love more than the foursome that gathered Thursday night--me, Josh, Amanda and Alex. Her visit was really something I needed; it was nice to be able to talk to someone who's been where I am and who can relate to all of my "senior" moments.

Friday Katie arrived for another super-fun weekend and we spent several hours in the afternoon engaging in one of our favorite pasttimes--drinking, eating Oreos and watching Will & Grace/Friends. (I know how it sounds, but don't knock it 'til you try it.) Even though Bulldog Bash was going on in the Cotton District we listened to our better judgment for once and decided to avoid that mob-scene-waiting-to-happen and go downtown instead. Stellar, stellar decision on our parts, I must say! The bar was SO fun (a super-fun crowd, good music, etc.), and I was not at all sad to have foregone the Bash.

Saturday dawned bright, early and HOT!! I was hoping it would be cool again like it was last week, but cool breezes were not in the cards. It wasn't just hot, it was blazing hot. Now, you know it doesn't take much to pursuade me to pass on going into the game, so I used the heat as a perfect excuse to stake my claim on a seat in the Junction. I wasn't in the Junction for too long, though, before a man named Drama made himself known, and drama continued as the theme for the rest of the night. It wasn't really so much that there was drama having to do with me, but I found myself being a third party to it several times. Many of you who know me well know that I try my absolute hardest to shy away from drama, but he managed to catch up with me Saturday night.

Luckily, however, Sunday was drama-free. Drama-free but full of studying! I studied, and I studied and then... I studied a little bit more. I didn't mind it so much, though, because I had taken off a good 3 days from doing any school work. I was long overdue.

Yesterday and today were spent preparing for my very first test of grad school, which I had this afternoon. In all honesty, it was harder than I thought it was going to be. It was one of those multiple choice tests where it seems like every answer could be the right answer, so really you're supposed to pick the answer that is the "most" correct. In other words... tricky, tricky. I can honestly say that I did my best, though, which is always a great feeling!

In other news, the weather the past two days has been nothing short of amazing. Cool, sunny, breezy... almost like (dare I say it?) fall. After my test was over this afternoon, I was able to study outside for a couple of hours and enjoy the wonderful sunshine before my next class, and there are few things in life better than that.

In other words, life is good.

Oh, yeah... except for the new Facebook.

That I hate.

A Drop Too Much

Grad school has taken over my life.
I don't simply mean that it's what I devote the majority of my time to; I mean that it has literally started to consume every minute of my entire life.
When I'm not in class or studying, I am either thinking about what I've just finished studying, or I'm thinking about how I should be studying instead of doing whatever else I'm doing (i.e. talking on the phone, working, driving, eating, taking an occasional break from the books, practicing violin, working out, sleeping, etc.).
I'm quickly turning into one of those people who can't have a conversation without directing it back to something about school.
Seriously, I talk about it constantly.
It annoys me, so I'm fairly certain it's a little much for others, as well.
Yeah, right. It drives everyone crazy, I know.
I'm like one of those people who just had a baby or is re-modeling an entire house. Every single thing that happens can be related back to that topic.
"What did you say? It started to rain? That reminds me of something I read the other day about rain causing children to have increased hyperactivity..."
"Oh, you've just gotten back from Europe? Vienna is in Europe. Adler, father of Adlerian therapy, was born in Vienna..."
It's a constant cycle in my mind.
If you've unfortunately been subjected to one of these informative and oh-so-exciting exchanges with me lately, just know that whatever I said out loud was probably only a fraction of the information that scrolled across the ticker constantly running in my brain.
I really am trying to keep it in the proper arena.
Last night, while sitting in the parking lot of Subway, I had my first official grad school meltdown.
I'm talking Jesse Spano-caffeine-pill-no-time-never-any-time-never-going-to-get-into-Stanford meltdown.
It was intense.
We're talking that kind of crying where you can't quite seem to get your breath, your body feels like it's overheating, you can't seem to produce tears fast enough and you are physically wracked with the very effort of it all.
Though it was emotionally draining and visibly uncomfortable for the sandwich artists who were openly gawking at me in horror through the window, it was much-needed, and I feel so much better today.
Perhaps I should go and check on the workers at Subway, though; they had to deal with a sight few people should ever have to withstand...

Start Cheering

What a great weekend.

First home football game of the season. Friends in town. Little tiny breath of cool weather. Who could ask for more?

The fun started Friday night at Hope and Don's Tailgate shower. Good food, old friends, Mississippi State tailgating. Solid, solid night. After the shower we headed downtown to Old Venice. It was a good thing we got there early and staked out some tables, because the place was packed before I knew it. Even though this will be my sixth football season in Starkville, I still seem to forget how ridiculously crowded everything gets on home game weekends. I saw lots of faces I hadn't seen in a while, though, and had a really fun time.

Saturday started out cool and overcast, which was a nice break from the broiling heat we're still used to in Mississippi in September. I had a great time tailgating with Katie's dad and the Meridian crew, of course the Junction was as fabulous as ever, and we won the game! A stellar day all around. After a little post-game tailgating in the Junction, Katie, Meg, Brandon and I headed downtown, where we made our way to Barrister's. Of course, even though we didn't really know very many other people there, the four of us managed to somehow have a great time, as always.

There really is nothing else in the world like Mississippi State University during football season. There's nowhere else I'd rather be.

As I look back over the past week, I feel so overwhelmingly blessed to have the people around me in my life. I always try to pretend that I can do everything on my own and that I don't need any help from anybody, but sometimes it's so nice to know that someone's there to help me if I trip. Whether they're hundreds of miles away or one street over, whether I talk to them everyday or we haven't talked in months, whether I've known them since elementary school or they've only recently come into my life, they each mean something special to me, and I don't know what I would do without them. I firmly believe that God gives us exactly what we need in the exact minute that we need it, and that has once again been proven to me. A smile, a laugh, a listening ear, a familiar face, a piece of heartfelt advice, an unexpected hello, a hug... today these are the things for which I am most thankful.

Personality Crisis

Life is good.
The past forty-eight hours have been pretty great.
Great for different ways but great all the same.
For example, I just heard Coldplay's "Fix You" on the radio, the very song I've been wanting to hear all day. Not a new song, mind you... just a song I love that I'd been wanting to hear for some reason. Also, my devotion tonight spoke directly to things I needed God's help with right this minute, almost like it was tailor-made for me.
See, I told you.
Great.
Yesterday started out bright and early at work, which I think I'm going to like. The time went by pretty fast because I had a good many things to do, and I got to study a little bit, too, which is always a nice surprise. Both of my classes were very interesting, and that's saying something for a three-hour-long class.
Last night, however, was really the best part of yesterday, because I got to have some major quality-time with Alex, one of my favorite people in the world. Of course we had hung out some since school started back, but unexpectedly spending time with him last night was really just what I needed.
This morning I went to work again, then studied pretty much from about 1:00 this afternoon until about 10:30 tonight. Sounds horrible, right?
It had its miserable moments, let me assure you.
Overall, though (as I know I've said a thousand times already), I don't mind it.
You know how I am, though... tomorrow I'll be complaining for hours and begging everyone to feel sorry for me.
I apologize in advance.
Tonight, however, I'm going to bed feeling, like I said, pretty great. And there's not many better feelings than that.
In closing, I thought I would share with all of you another one of my activities from class. You're on the edge of your seat, I know...
In my class last night, we took this test to see what "color" we are in terms of our personality. Based on our strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, etc. we determined our "color," which, in turn, determined what type of learner we are and what dominant traits exist in our personality. My teacher, who is a local school counselor for a third and fourth grade school, uses it with her kids to help them learn about themselves and each other, and they also do a unit about what "color" fits certain career choices.
ANYWAY...
All that to say, here's my "color" and what it says about my personality:
Based on my answers, my personality "color" is gold, which means that I can be described as:
Useful
Having a strong work ethic
Prepared
A list maker
Organized
Responsible
Dependable
Punctual
Predictable
Apparently...
I need to feel... like I belong in a group of friends.
My overall mood is often... concerned.
I trust... authority.
I pride myself on... being dependable.
I value... generosity.
I seek... fairness.
I want to be appreciated for... being accurate or right on target.
When I am disturbed... I complain.
I am searching for... safety/security.
I dislike... when people don't obey.
I feel guilty when... I've been greedy.
I feel rewarded when... someone thanks me for helping them.
I am most comfortable... in a highly structured environment.
Now... although I know some of those are frighteningly accurate, I hope with every fiber of my being that they aren't all true about me because if they are I am, well... the most boring person on earth.
Along with the personality traits, the test gave suggestions as to the best possible careers for each "color," and they were just as entertaining as the description...
Here are a few of my favorites:
Forester
Corporate Lawyer
Politician
Telephone Operator
Air Traffic Controller
Collection Agent
Statistical Clerk
History Teacher
Post Office Clerk
Economist
Budget Analyst
Closet Organizer
School Counselor
Math Teacher
Judge
Reunion Planner
Librarian
Police Officer
And my personal favorite...
Nun
Enough said. Check, please.

Something Weird

Weird.

That's the only word I can come up with to describe my life right now. I know it's vague and totally inarticulate, but it's the only thing that seems to make sense at this moment.

I feel almost like I'm caught between the past and the future, which makes the present a little... awkward, to be honest. Sometimes I feel like I'm in completely new territory, forging a path that is all my own, and other times I feel like I'm going around in circles making the same mistakes I've been making for years. I must admit, it's a little unsettling at times.

Wait... I just thought of another appropriate word.

Surreal.

That one's even better, I think.

These bizarre things keep happening that are almost like the colliding of two worlds, the coming-together of two planes that I could never have imagined intersecting. It's a little touch of deja vu, but that doesn't really begin to cover it... it's just strange.

I know what you're thinking, and you're right.

I'm not making a bit of sense.

Therefore, I will transition.

In a much-needed salute to familiarity and normalcy, I just finished watching one of my all-time favorite movies, Bridget Jones's Diary. No matter how many times I see it, it's still just as funny as the first time. Perhaps I love it so unbelievably much because I can identify with a number of the scrapes Bridget finds herself in? As I watched the movie, reciting every line along with the actors, of course, (that's one of the perks of living alone, you know... no one's there to make you stop) and drank a glass of wine, I fancied myself to be a modern-day Bridget. Except for that whole smoking thing. And the fact that I'm about ten years younger than her. Oh yeah, and the fact that I'm not British...

Here's a few of my favorite quotes, just for your own comic relief:

"My mum, a strange creature from the time when pickles on toothpicks were still the height of sophistication."

"Perpetua, slightly senior and therefore thinks she's in charge of me. Most of the time, I just want to staple things to her head."

"If staying here means working within ten yards of you, frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Sadam Hussein's arse."

"You'll never get a boyfriend if you look like you wandered out of Auschwitz."

I'm laughing even now as I type them. Now, if I could just find where I misplaced my Mark Darcy...