Operation Happy New Year

As I sit on the cusp of 2009, I am looking back and fondly remembering the highlights (and, let's be honest, the lowlights) of 2008. This was a year filled with personal highs and goals reached, but 2008 also saw a few uncertain and disappointing times for me.

Throughout the past year, I had to face the uncertainty of my future and the changing scenery of my life. I dealt with unexpected loneliness and and a sadness with an origin I could not quite pinpoint, therefore I was unsure how to confront and deal with it. I had to look honestly into the face of my own insecurities and step far outside of my comfort zone. I had to swallow my pride and ask for help. There were many uncomfortable moments and a few nights I just couldn't hold it all together. I filled the pages of my journal, tossed and turned through sleepless nights, and ranted and raved to anyone who would listen. (Let me take this opportunity to apologize to those of you who suffered one of my rants; thank you for your patience.)

However, as for every bad there is always good, I had so many victories during the past year, as well. Getting into grad school and finishing my first semester so successfully was a feat I will remain proud of forever. I discovered a school of study and a career that I genuinely love and have a deep passion for. I conquered my own fears and overcame the loneliness I thought at first would suffocate me. I celebrated achievements and blessings in the lives of my friends (e.g. engagements, weddings, entrances into professional schools, graduations, etc.), and, for the first time in my life, I recognized and understood the true beauty and value of the people who matter in my life. I looked around at my life and realized just how blessed I really am.

I am not one for resolutions, as, more often than not, it seems that making a resolution almost always creates a "dare to fail' scenario. Like a ticking time bomb, it's only a matter of time until you just can't do it (whatever it may be) anymore, and the resolution is broken. Therefore, this year I am simply making an attempt to alter one thing: my attitude. I am not going to make some giant proclamation of positivity, vowing to never utter another negative statement ever again; I'm shooting for the realistic here. (If you know me at all, you that cynicism, sarcasm, and, I'm sad to say, negativity come second nature to me.) I'm simply trying to be more conscious of it.

Maybe I'll call it "Positively 2009" or something equally corny...

The premise of the whole idea is that, in my opinion, a positive attitude affects everything else positively. Perhaps not looking at everything through such cynical eyes or not responding to every situation with a judgmental, biting observation will influence other aspects of my life? I know it may not be quite that simple, but I believe it's worth a shot.

So, faithful readers, you heard it here first. I'm signing on the dotted line, raising my right hand, pinky-promising, and repeating after, well, myself that I'm going to...

try this out.

What's the worst that can happen?

On second thought, what's the best?

Tuesday Be My Friend

Today I spent the greatest day with Ben, one of my favorite friends in the world.
We didn't do anything special, just hung out in Starkville, had a great lunch and enjoyed a little afternoon coffee (and of course talked and laughed non-stop...), but the simplicity of the day is what made it so great.
Considering the distance between New York, New York, and Starkville, Mississippi, Ben and I have seen each other a good number of times since he moved in July of 2007. It seems, however, that every time we see each other there's a lot going on. We're trying to see the sights of New York; he's trying to meet up with every old friend he ever spoke to during his time at Mississippi State in one football game weekend; he's running back and forth between family and friend gatherings all over south Mississippi during holiday visits. Although we always have millions of laughs, things are often hectic and stressed.
Hence the beauty of this visit.
It had no plan; it had no agenda. We had the whole day to fill and no schedule to fill it. It was wonderful. It was almost like one of the hundreds of days we spent lounging around during college, and I think that's why I enjoyed today so very much. I took those laid back days for granted during that time, without even realizing how different my life would be in the not-so-distant future. Today was a throw-back to those carefree afternoons, putting the real world of jobs and higher education on hold for a little while and lazing around Starkville, a place that holds so many amazing memories for both of us.
It was so great to get to really talk and relax and see where the day took us. I know we can never go back to the way things were during our time in college, for it was a different time and life is different now, but, just for today, it was nice to pretend nothing in the world had changed.

Sick Girl

I just returned from my grandmother's house. I wish I could say it was a relaxing and enjoyable holiday, but right now I can't seem to remember much of it, honestly.
What's that you say?
No, I didn't have too much wine with dinner.
Late Thursday night I had my first ever experience with the stomach virus. I think I thought I'd had it before, but I know now that I was wrong. The last 48 hours have been pretty miserable, but thankfully everything seems to be much, much better now.
These last few days have really taught me one unexpected lesson: there are few things as soothing as a cold washcloth lying on your forehead. That little cool square of cloth made all the difference in the world, and I think I'm going to be using that method of therapy a lot more often. If you come to my apartment in the future, don't be alarmed if you walk in and I've got a cold washcloth on my head.
Seriously.
I'm pretty worn out, and am headed off to bed, but just wanted to let those of you who I know were on the edge of your seats know that I did, in fact, get my Nikon I wanted so badly for Christmas. I honestly haven't even been able to really take it out of the box yet, but I'm hopefully going to get serious with it tomorrow. I may still be a novice photographer, but at least now I've got a great piece of equipment to make me look like a pseudo-professional.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

Yesterday I was chewed out by an elderly man in the Wal-Mart parking lot.
Most of you know of my hatred for Wal-Mart, so when my mom told me she needed me to "run up" there for her, I was certainly not looking forward to the trip. I knew I would have to park across the highway and there would one million people inside, knocking each other down for the last Wii or some such holiday item.
Therefore, when I got there and headed up the aisle to search for the ever-evasive parking spot, I was elated to see a woman packing her groceries into the third parking spot from the front. The third spot! I pulled over as far as I could, put on my blinker, and settled in to wait for my spot.
As I watched this woman load her purchases into her car, I wondered if she could possibly do it any slower. Apparently everything had a certain spot into which it must be loaded, for she had some things she placed in the trunk of her car and others that went inside. While I was waiting for her to complete the slowest loading process of all time, a few cars went around me and, admittedly, there were a couple of cars in line behind me.
All of a sudden this man was standing beside my car, motioning for me to roll down the window. I guess thought perhaps I knew him or he was hoping to spread a little Christmas cheer, so I rolled down the window. Christmas cheer was not what he was spreading, however. He proceeded to tel me (in not the kindest of language) how I was blocking traffic and that if I wanted this parking spot I needed to go around the lot again and come back and get it.
Yeah, right; I'm sure it would just be sitting there waiting for me, sir.
I told him I was sorry, and he responded with, "Ain't no sorry."
I'm not sure exactly what that meant, but I knew one thing for sure: i wasn't giving up that parking spot, not for him or anyone else.
Therefore, I summoned up all my gumption and said, "Sir, it is December the twenty-third, and this is Wal-Mart. What exactly did you expect?" I then proceeded to roll my window up in his face.
My mom said I was lucky he didn't hit me or worse.
I thought that's about how all of yesterday was going to go, but it got markedly better when I went to a Christmas party full of old friends last night. Mary Katherine and Florence combined their class Christmas parties into one party this year, and it was so much fun. Caught up with some friends I don't get to hang out with that often, hung out with some of my favorite people, and enjoyed a true dose of Christmas cheer.
As we speak, I'm supposed to be packing to leave for my family's Christmas extravaganza, but I'm obviously prioritizing. First things first, you know. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, and Santa brings you everything you're hoping for!

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

All I Want for Christmas

There are so many wonderful things I love about Christmas.

I know sometimes the holidays can get stressful, with running around buying last minute gifts, visiting various relatives and never having quite enough time to squeeze everybody in, and fighting crowds everywhere you go, but there really is something magical in the air this time of year.

From the moment I first drag out my decorations (which this year was about mid-November; I'm not ashamed to admit it), the spirit of the holiday is alive inside of me. Cheesy, I know, but true, nonetheless.
I love the commercials that come on television during the Christmas season. This year a few of my favorites include: the Pampers commercial where Silent Night is being sung a capella while pictures of sleeping babies are shown; the Wal-Mart commerical with all of the various children jumping out of bed and running downstairs to see what Santa brought; the Alltel Christmas commerical in which the phone guys steal the letters to Santa and attempt to re-write them; and, finally, the Macy's commerical in which some of the major designers (e.g. Jessica Simpson, Martha Stewart, Tommy Hilfiger) talk about the ways that Santa really does exist. That little girl dropping her letter into that giant mailbox gets me every time.
I also love the holiday movies that are constantly coming on television during this season. Everything from White Christmas to Home Alone to How the Grinch Stole Christmas (both cartoon and live action) can be found on some channel at any given point in a day. Movies like Cars and The Incredibles and Harry Potter are also constantly airing on television, and I suppose they relate to Christmas... somehow?? Usually, I find some great original movies on television this time of year, but, sadly, I have been a little disappointed with the offerings this season. However, it is admittedly difficult to top last year's Holiday in Handcuffs starring hunky Mario Lopez, so it's understandable.

I love the music of the holiday season, and I love walking into practically any store in any town and being almost guaranteed to hear some variation of some Christmas song playing. It may be some ghastly punk rendition of a song you sung at your pre-school Christmas program, or it may be one of the classics like Judy Garland's original version of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, but you know it's a Christmas tune nevertheless.

One of the things I love most about this season is holiday church services. The music, the decorations, the sheer numbers present in the church and the special messages pastors often deliver make for a very powerful combination. Special choral programs and children's programs are always meaningful and enjoyable, and it really is like there is a giant celebration taking place--a celebration of the birthday of Jesus Christ.

I love the Christmas cards, both sending and receiving. I love the Christmas lights, both tacky and tasteful. I love the baking and the shopping and the wrapping. I love reuniting with old friends and laughing over memories of years past. I love the smells and the foods and the parties and the decorations. I love the magic that is encapsulated in all of it.

This year, I asked Santa for one thing and one thing only. I hope that, somewhere amidst all of the presents underneath our Christmas tree, is the Nikon camera I want so badly. I've been dropping not-so-suble hints since November, but haven't really gotten very far... you know I'll keep you posted.

Massage Therapy

This morning I got a massage.
The official posting of my grades happened yesterday, and, for the first time in my academic career, I got a 4.0. I decided to give myself a little congratulatory treat for all of my hard work this semester, so I called and made myself a massage appointment for this morning.
I love massages. At first I thought I didn't because the first one I ever got was by a man (some might think that sounds like a pro rather than a con, but you would think differently if you had seen Edward...), but I really do love them. They're so relaxing, and relieve tensions I sometimes don't even know I have.
If you've never had the pleasure of a getting a massage (or, like Austin Powers says it, a 'sensual ma-sage'), I would highly recommend it.
I love my masseuse Sandy, who did the one today. She's so nice and friendly. And, let's be honest, I'm sure she sees some nasty stuff. If I had her job, I'd probably be short with people and make sarcastic comments, but not Sandy.
One of my favorite parts of getting a massage from Sandy is that part of it feels a bit like calisthenics: like a little mini workout. Except, it is what I would imagine a workout might feel like if I was in a coma. She moves my limbs around in all sorts of funny positions, while the rest of me remains dead weight. It's a strange but pleasant experience.
I also love Sandy's bag of hot coals she uses during the massage. I'm pretty positive it's not really a bag of hot coals, exactly (more like a netted sack of warmed pebbles, I think), but that's what I like to call it. I can hear that bag of hot coals when she brings it in, and I know a really good part is coming. After that I just about sink clean through the table and onto the floor I'm so relaxed.
That brings me to another observation. I've often wondered how, on television shows like The Bachelor, couples can get massages together while keeping their eyes open and carrying on entire conversations. I couldn't do it. I can't even hold my eyes open, much less attempt to speak. I think if I was forced to speak, it might sound something like the noises Marv makes in Home Alone 2 as he's being repeatedly hit in the head with falling bricks. A series of grunts and wheezes and indecipherable mumblings...
Finally, when I get up from the massage, I always expect my hair to be sticking out from my head in a Medusa-like style due to the oil, but it never is. Just before I get up I always think what a disaster my hair is certainly going to be, but, somehow, it falls into place. I find that to be so odd.
Anyway, I have floated around all day today, all mushy and relaxed. God bless that Sandy, and her bag of hot coals, too...

Welcome to New Orleans

What a great weekend.

Early, early Friday morning Becca and I set out on another anniversary adventure. This time last year we were hitting the streets of New York, but this time we headed south to New Orleans. Katie's wedding was Saturday, and my birthday was Sunday; in other words, we knew it would be a great time.

We must have been traveling at light speed or something, because we arrived in New Orleans before lunchtime. We had the whole afternoon to browse around the French Quarter and see what we could see. We enjoyed a delicious po-boy/muffaletta lunch, and did some serious shopping.

Friday night we hit Bourbon Street for my first ever night out in New Orleans (seriously, the last time I was there I was in the third grade or something). We went to Pat O's and enjoyed a hurricane (or maybe two), but things didn't get too crazy because Katie's wedding was at 11 Saturday morning.

Becca started off Saturday morning worrying me to death about whether we were leaving early enough for the wedding, whether we knew where we were going, if we were going to get there in time, etc, etc, etc. (The worrying continued throughout the course of the day relating to just about anything and everything.) We did actually almost miss the wedding because our directions were not exactly right; special thanks to the man and his son who paused their untangling of Christmas tree lights in their front yard to give us the much-needed directions. Also, once we finally arrived at the church, we had a bit of a parking debacle, but it all ended up perfectly. We got to the wedding with about 6.5 minutes to spare, and Becca practically sprinted into the church.

The wedding was absolutely gorgeous, and unbelievably meaningful. The church and reception location themselves were gorgeous; Katie's dress was the most uniquely beautiful thing I've ever seen; every little detail was special and unique; the homily was one of the greatest tributes to a couple I could ever imagine; Katie and Luke's adoration for each other oozed out of their every smile and touch. Also, above all of that, I got to spend some time with friends I've had practically as long as I can remember, and I had such a great time laughing and catching up with all of them.

Saturday night Becca, Patsy, and I had a phenomenal dinner at Court of Two Sisters then headed back to Bourbon Street, where we met Suzy, Tyler, and Casey. We danced the night away at Razoo, and I rang in my 24th (how did that happen??) birthday with a brief appearance on stage. The night ended with the Becca's wallet being "stolen," and we huddled together on the side of Bourbon to make calls to the credit card company, etc. Poor Becca was an emotional rollercoaster and called just about every member of her family at about 2:30AM; thank goodness we managed to convince her that a call to her mom wasn't necessary...

Before getting on the road Sunday, I experienced another New Orleans "must" for the first time: beignets at Cafe Du Monde. They were as to-die-for as everyone says, and I came away covered in a fine film of powdered sugar.

If it took us light speed to get there, it took us just the opposite to get home. Becca and I both felt like it was years before we saw the lights of Columbus, but we laughed all the way back.

Where will we be this time next year?? We're saying Chicago...

The End of the Act

I can now officially say the semester is finished.

After:
2,191 pages of textbooks
1,341 powerpoint slides
325 pages of journal articles
27 pages of handwritten notes
15 guest lecturers
10 hours of mentoring
9 tests
7 papers
5 presentations
4 quizzes
2 personal journals
1 powerpoint presentation
and countless hi-liters and Post-It notes...

It is finally finished.
It hasn't been easy; it hasn't been particularly fun, but it has been nothing short of amazing, and I feel like I have really changed over these past months. I now know that this exactly where I'm supposed to be, and I'm not sure that I've ever had that feeling before. It's pretty amazing, I'm not going to lie.
Now that all the fun of tests, presentations, and class readings are over, I'll just sit back and wait for my grades to come in.
I'm trying so hard to be patient...

The Day I Turned Uncool: Confessions of a Reluctant Grown-Up

I have a college degree. I live on my own. I pay my own bills, and I file my own income taxes. I own my own car. I have a job. For all practical purposes, I'm a grown up.
For some reason, though, I've never felt like one.
Until today.
I've been battling being sick for about six weeks now, and I decided today it was time to go back to the doctor and finally get this mess cleared up. So, after my violin lesson, I made my way to the same doctor I saw just about three weeks ago.
I checked myself in and read a book while I waited to be called. When I finally got called to the back, I told the nurse all of my complaints, the medicine I took a few weeks ago, and the medicines I'm allergic to. I had blood work done as well as a chest x-ray. I talked with the doctor about possible medicines to get this cleared up, and told her to just go ahead and give me a shot. I received my prescriptions, payed my bill in full and headed to the pharmacy, where I picked up my prescriptions and, again, payed my bill.
I know none of that is really that big of a deal, but for some reason, as I walked out of the pharmacy, the only word that came to my mind was independent. As in, I am capable of and am taking care of myself. It was an empowering thought, but a rather scary and sobering one, too.
I'm not sure if I'm ready for so much responsibility...
In other news, when I went to Wal-Mart to pick up my prescriptions today, I was even more irritated by the place than usual. I've written about my intense hatred for Wal-Mart before, but today was even worse than usual. There were all these kids there with their parents, and, becuase it's 3 weeks until Christmas, they were all hyper and running around like little Energizer bunnies. I must have heard at least six parents attempt to make their children behave with the warning of "You better get back in this buggy/stop running around/put that down... Santa's watching you."
Really? Santa's watching you??
What about the other 11 months out of the year when that skewed method of disciplining a child holds no validity whatsoever?? Santa doesn't really hold much influence in the blazing heat of July...
All in all, between my adventures at the doctor's office and my apparently archaic views on parenting, I headed back to Starkville going approximately 55 miles per hour and keeping my blinker on the whole way, like all the other geezers...

The Sound of Music

I was watching Seinfeld the other day, and Elaine, George, and Jerry, in one of their oh-so-typically banal conversations, were discussing whether they would rather date someone who was blind or deaf. It got me to thinking about which one I thought would be harder to deal with... blindness or deafness?
Last night, I think I found my answer.
It came to me in the unexpected form of the Mississippi State University Choir's Holiday Choral Concert, which I went to on a whim when I got out of class early.
The choral concert was absolutely phenomenal, and I got chills from the feeling and emotion contained in every piece. I felt like I could honestly hear God's power and majesty in their voices; and the guy who played the organ was nothing short of awe-inspiring.
In fact, let me take a moment to tip my proverbial hat to the whole choir; I was beyond blown away with the talent and dedication that was so evident in that group of people. First of all, they were huge; through looking at the program, I estimated about 165 people. Some of you may know that, as an undergrad dead-set on experiencing just about extracurricular activity available at Mississippi State University, I was a member of the choir for a very brief time during my sophomore year of college. (I know, I know... you didn't know I could sing. There's a reason for that: I can't. I'm pretty sure the director just took pity on me because I somehow managed to struggle through to the end of the audition piece.) Anyway, it has definitely grown since then... a lot. Also, beyond being humongous, they were just so good. I mean, they were really good. They really made me proud of my university.
Of all the many, many blessings God has bestowed upon my life, the gift of music is one I treasure most. Words put to music take on different meanings, and sometimes music alone says things that even the most eloquent of words cannot express. Listening to a great song on the radio, hearing a story unfold through the crescendos and expressions of classical music, sitting down at the piano and playing a favorite piece, and feeling out the next note on the violin each stirs deep emotion. That's probably one of the dorkiest, cheesiest things I've ever said, but it's true.
I cannot imagine a world in which I could never hear music.

The Forgotten One

So... in my mammoth holiday movie post the other day, I somehow forgot one of my most favorite Christmas movies, which always brings back memories of my childhood. I know a lot of people have never seen it or maybe never even heard of it, but ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS is one I love. (The day I found it in the $5.00 bin at Wal-Mart was the greatest day; yes, I found it in the $5.00 bin. Don't act like you never spotted one of your favorite movies haphazardly dumped in there with some garbage like From Justin to Kelly or Junior...)

The Favorite

I love Christmas.
Period.
I don't know if it's the December birthday thing or what, but I just love it.
Seriously.
I started listening to Christmas music and watched my first Christmas movie of the season the night before Halloween. I had my apartment and my mom's house decorated by November 15. I'm burning my way through my third "Smell of Christmas" candle. I'm telling you, I love it.
As much as I love the music and the lights and the smells and the excitement, the thing I probably love most is the movies. I'm a movie lover in general, but there's just something special about a Christmas movie.
So, tonight I thought I would share my favorite Christmas movies and a few favorite quotes (because y'all know there's few things I love more than a good movie quote). These are in no particularly order because, let's be honest, I love them all.

CHRISTMAS VACATION

"Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"

"Get off me, you fungus."

"Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell."

THE HOLIDAY

"Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."

MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET

THE SANTA CLAUSE

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

THE POLAR EXPRESS

"But you don't want to be bamboozled. You don't want to be led down the primrose path. You don't want to be conned or duped. Hoodwinked. You don't want the wool pulled over your eyes. Railroaded. Seeing is believing. Am I right?"

"At one time most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed it fell silient for all of them. Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could no longer hear its sweet sound. Though I've grown old the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe."

ELF

"Don't listen to Leon. Leon's never been anywhere. He doesn't have any feet."

"It's just like Santa's workshop. Except it smells like mushrooms, and everyone looks like they want to hurt me..."

"Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too?"

WHITE CHRISTMAS

CHRISTMAS IN CONNECTICUT

HOLIDAY INN

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE

LOVE ACTUALLY

"I love that word 'relationship.' Covers all manner of sins, doesn't it? I fear that this has become a bad relationship. A relationship based on the President taking exactly what he wants and casually ignoring all those things that really matter to, erm... Britain. We may be a small country, but we're a great one, too. The country of Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter. David Beckham's right foot. David Beckhams' left foot, come to that."

"We need Kate. And we need Leo. And we need them now. Come on."

"Now which doll shall we give Daisy's little friend Emily? The one that looks like a transvestite or the one that looks like a dominatrix?"

HOME ALONE 2

"You can't be too careful when it involves underwear."

"My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, I'd leave it on the school bus."

HOME ALONE

"This house is so full of people it makes me sick."

"If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses..."

"The dope was whining about a suitcase. What was I s'posed to do? Shake his hand and say, 'Congratulations, you're an idiot'?"

"Bring me back something French!"

So, there you have it: the movies that make my holiday complete. Did I leave off any of your favorites??